[personal profile] vinniebatman
Title:  Lip Balm
Author: vinniebatman aka batmanvinnie
Fandom: SGA, early season 2.
Pairings: McShep
Rating/Warnings:  Teen, maybe Adult for innuendo
Disclaimer:  If I did own SGA, God, the amount of naked hot gay luvin' would be overwhelming!  But I don't, so let us mourn appropriately.  Also, my apologies to the Burt's Bees folks. 
Summary: Rodney considers John, sexuality, lip balms, and his chances at hittin' it.
A/N:  I was putting on lip balm, and it just came to me.  I don't know why, but I hope you enjoy it.  This just a quickie, unbeta'd.

Rodney had spent nearly a year wondering about John's sexuality. Considering the American's Captain Kirk-esque tendencies, it was fairly obvious the man liked the ladies. So Rodney was rooting for "bi-curious" in the very least. But he was also hoping that John was actually completely gay, but slept with women because of that pesky "don't ask, don't tell" thing. Rationally, he knew that John probably wasn't going to man-whore his way through the Pegasus Galaxy just for appearance. But for him, fantasy was better than reality.

Given his previous experience with the hotter types, Rodney knew he was heading for a let down. But he could hope, damn it! Besides, as long as he didn't know (or admit) John's preference, he didn't have to change his masturbatory fantasies. His favorite took place in one of the labs, where anyone could just walk in and see them. John would walk in to the lab, grab him, kiss him senseless, then strip him down and bend him over the nearest surface for a good fuck. It was just a fantasy of course, because the logistics of rushed, lube-free sex were just-.

"Rodney!" Rodney jumped as he looked in the direction of John's irritated yell. John, Ronon, and Teyla stood several meters ahead of him on the trail. They were on a random planet purported to have some Ancient tech, but it had been deserted generations ago. Well, deserted/culled. Either way, it was empty and boring, and Rodney had drifted off mentally and fallen behind the group. And now they were looking at him. Mumbling under his breath, Rodney jogged to catch up with the group. As he reached them, John shook his head before turning away from Rodney and walking.

Rodney felt his heart clench at John's annoyed head shake. Damn it. Rodney was a grown man who could reduce scientists to tears. He was a genius at math and science, but give him a small look from some guy he had the hots for, and Rodney was reduced to a teenage girl. Well, at least he wasn't attracted to Ronon. Of course he thought the former runner was really, really hot, but he was also scary. He didn't know what Ronon's sexual preference was, but Rodney was pretty sure that if he looked at Ronon with even a glance of sexual appreciation, the caveman just might kill him. Painfully.

Shaking his head, Rodney tried to pay attention to Teyla's rambling about the stories of the planet. He couldn't focus, but this time it was because his lips felt dry. Reaching into his pocket for his lip balm, Rodney sighed as he realized he'd forgotten it at Atlantis. Damn it, now his lips would peel and burn in the bright sun and just generally feel not good. Damn it. He knew John carried around lip balm, had seen the Colonel pull out a short, yellow tube and apply it to his lips. Mmmm... Shepard's lips. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, the scientist was once again upset about his lip balm situation. Rodney was somewhat tempted to ask to borrow John's, but once again, that was just so teenage girl.

Eventually the reached the ruins of the old city, and Rodney was distracted from his lip issues and John issues by the need to study. Most of the structures were destroyed, but he had been able to find some interesting little toys in the ruins. All in all, it was Rodney's kind of off-world mission. Lots of gadgets and no Wraith or any primitives. Stopping his work, he walked over to a tree that had grown through the foundation of the building and knocked on it. He wasn't much of a superstition type, but he would knock on wood when he was off-world. As he knocked, Rodney was once again reminded of how dry his lips were.

It was a warm, beautiful day, so John, Ronon, and Teyla had gone exploring nearby. They had left their jackets and vests behind, taking only their weapons and earpieces. Glancing around quickly, Rodney hurriedly found John's vest and went through its pockets. He found the lip balm, it was Burt's Bees Beeswax lip balm. Rodney frowned as he read the ingredients. It was animal friendly, generally not that expensive, but it seemed a bit... frilly for John's tastes. It also didn't have any SPF, but it would have to do. He quickly spread some on his lips, once again irritated at the girly squee of joy he made (internally, at least), at the fact that the lip balm had touched John's and his lips. If he sighed, he'd have to kill himself. Putting John's lip balm and vest away, he returned to his work.

The lip balm had peppermint oil in it and made Rodney's lips tingle. With the tingling and environmentally friendly nature of the lip balm, it made John seem... well, at least meterosexual. Which Rodney could always hope was really close to being bi- or homosexual. Shaking his head, Rodney focused on the pile of gadgets he's amassed.

Absently rubbing his lips together, he barely glanced up at John entered the area. As he focused on his work, he suddenly glanced up when he felt a presence. John was standing right in front him, holding his discarded vest in his hand. Rodney swallowed.


"My chapstick." Rodney swallowed nervously under John's narrow gaze.

"Oh. And?"

"It's in the wrong pocket."

"Oh. So what does - do - I have to do with it?" Rodney asked, hoping he sounded irritated. John smirked.

"I keep it my left pocket so I can grab it with my free hand without letting go of my gun," John murmured, staring at Rodney's mouth. "And I noticed earlier your lips were dry. But you didn't put any on, so you must not have brought any."

Rodney opened his mouth to say... something. He wasn't sure what, but he was sure that it would be brilliant. Then one thought popped to the front. "You noticed my lips were dry?"

To his credit, John didn't blanch or even really react to Rodney's astute question. John grabbed the front of Rodney's tee shirt and hauled him closer. Rodney's eyes widened. While a part of his mind was chanting "kissmekissmeKISSME," the part thinking of the beatings he'd occasionally received in high school was chanting "don'thitdon'thitDON'THIT!" John paused for a split second before leaning forward and pressing their lips together. John moved his lips slowly, gently massaging Rodney's for a few seconds before moving away.

"You're wearing my chapstick," John chided. "Of course, I should be sure before I accuse you." John pressed their lips together again, this time sliding his tongue across Rodney's lips. Rodney whimpered and opened his mouth, his tongue moving out to meet John's. Their tongues slid against each other, slick and hot. John broke the kiss far too soon for Rodney's taste.

"Yep, that was mine," John concluded smugly.

"Yeah, well it sucks, because it doesn’t even have any SPF protection," Rodney shot back. That slow, easy and infuriatingly sexy grin spread across John's lips.

"What can I say? It has sentimental value." Rodney frowned. But before he could voice his confusion, John leaned forward and started whispering in his ear. "I had a boyfriend that liked to rub it on my skin because of the peppermint oil. Gives you a very interesting, tingling sensation. You should try it, Rodney."

Pulling away, John walked away from the stunned scientist. He paused in the doorway and looked over his shoulder at Rodney. "I'll see you later, McKay."

Rodney pressed his lips together to smother the grin spreading across his lips. It was then he noticed something else.

"Damn it, he took all the lip balm."

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