Yay for inner turmoil!

You know, I don't do a whole lot with my life. Its been odd lately. It seems the only really interesting stuff happening with my life is internal, the ramblings and schisms in my head. Stupid head. I mean, yesterday in my Human Sexuality class, she lectured on tantra, and the point of it wasn't sex, but being emotionally intimate. And I realized something, (aside from the lonely fact that I'm destined to be a virgin for all of eternity). I've never really been emotionally intimate with anyone. I'm honest with people, but there is so much of myself that I keep hidden. And I'm just getting tired of myself. I'm tired of hating myself, of being afraid. But its a blanket. At least now I can blame my lack of dating on a lack of self-confidence. Dude 1 doesn't like me? Well, I'll blame it on the fact that I don't like myself, so why should he? But if I get okay, if I like myself, all failings will be attributed to me and no one else. And that scares me. I don't want to be responsible. It feels like its too much. Who the hell was the idiot that put me in charge of my life? I don't even know who I am. Well, aside from a cheese-loving nerd. But I wonder what else I am. Is there anything else to me?

OH, and this is just me venting, so for the love of Gerard Butler's cloits, don't leave me any cheer up notes. Or I'ma cut you. I have a stick, I'm warning you!!!