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A Bad Fucking Week...
Mar. 5th, 2005 05:37 pmArgh, what a bad fucking week. Yeah, life can suck sometimes
On Monday, Kostya called me just to talk briefly. He has a jaw infection. He had to go to the dentist every day this week. Which sucks for him. He has the worst fucking luck...
Anyway, it was on Sunday that Lena, my pothead flatmate started smoking in the room again. It pisses me off because the entire apartment ends up smelling like weed. So I asked her for a third time not to do it. I was not pleased.
Then on Tuesday, the halls became hazy and smelled of weed, so I knocked on her door, entered, and told her that the next time I smelled weed, I would call university police. So she got mad and from my room, I could hear her going on about "stupid fucking white bitches." Now, I don't care that Lena is black, but it is getting irritating. If I called her a black bitch, I would be in so much trouble, she would probably kick my ass. But she refers to all of us as "bitches," and that is somewhat offensive, and we have asked to stop. Which she hasn't. She tried to talk to me, but I she was visibly agitated and so she decided that we would talk later.
So, sadly, my day got worse. Aside from my regular, monthly hormonal fluctuations starting, I got a call from my mom.
My father had surgery to remove a growth (I will be kind and spare you the details) but my mom said they had to test it for cancer, saying that the doctor "didn't think it was cancer, but if it was, it had been caught early enough." Despite the assurances that my Dad would be fine, I felt nauseous and scared at the word "cancer." After this distressing conversation, Lena then wanted to talk. She started out by saying that she wanted to be able to say what she wanted to without interruptions, and I agreed. Essentially, she felt I was acting like I thought I was her mother and that it wasn't any of my business what she did. Also, she felt that people are either her friends or enemies. Apparently, I am now her enemy.
I countered that when she smoked pot, it permeated the entire apartment and that it did affect me. She felt that since she was risking trouble by smoking it, and since it was in her room, it affected only her. I again tried to explain that it stunk up the whole room and she started rolling her eyes. I told her that she was acting like a child, to which she said that she could do what she want, that it really didn't matter what I wanted, and that I could do whatever I wanted and that "you can call the LGA or UPD, but you'll just get fucked up." Yay for threats of physical violence. This pissed me off, so I asked her just what that meant, to which she said "nothin'." At this point, I was trying so hard to repress my anger and frustration that I started crying. So she said "I ain't gonna deal with you when you're crying," so I left the room.
Ths leads to another concern my mother has: I am on Paxil, which she once took as well. My mother's doctor told her that while Paxil does its job as an SSRI, sometimes it repressed emotions and makes it hard to cry. This is true for me. I can get upset about stuff, but before Tuesday night, I hadn't cried in over two months. I really wanted to call and LGA and report her threat, but when someone does that, the only thing I can do is move out if I feel threatened. She stays but I have to leave.
Then on Wednesday, Lena wouldn't even acknowledge my existence, but I didn't really care.
But on Thursday, I was just sick to my stomach. I was in a bad mood, nervous all day,on edge. I don't know why, but suddenly, I was scared to be around her. Rationally, I knew that Lena wouldnt' actually attack me, because that would get her kicked out. But I was still nervous. Then she actually left her friend La'toya alone in her room to talk with Bethany and Corinna, the only two roommates who haven't openly disagreed with her, calling them her friends. I got nervous over that. The fact that she ditched her friend to "bond" with Corinna and Bethany made me think that she's just trying to get them on her side. Of course, that's probably just a paranoid delusion.
Then on Thursday we were supposed to meet with the RLC, the head housing person for our area, but there was a miscommunication. So we ended up doing the meeting on Saturday, and we voiced our complaints and issues. On Wednesday there will be an apartment meeting. Knowing the housing system, nothing will probably change. But I just needed to stand up for myself, at least voice my complaints as opposed to doing nothing.
Now, on the Kostya front. I've come to the conclusion that nothing is going to happen. Aside from his busy schedule, he has personal problems that I won't divulege. Essentially, things keeps getting worse for him; his life is in chaos right now, and the last thing he needs is a girlfriend to complicate matters. For the most part, he just needs a friend to listen to and support him, not another complication. I mean, if he wants to start dating or something, I won't say no. But I'm not going to start anything. Yep, so much for that, but I can't, in good conscience, start something that he may very well not have the energy for.
But on the plus side, my Dad doesn't have cancer. Yay!
On Monday, Kostya called me just to talk briefly. He has a jaw infection. He had to go to the dentist every day this week. Which sucks for him. He has the worst fucking luck...
Anyway, it was on Sunday that Lena, my pothead flatmate started smoking in the room again. It pisses me off because the entire apartment ends up smelling like weed. So I asked her for a third time not to do it. I was not pleased.
Then on Tuesday, the halls became hazy and smelled of weed, so I knocked on her door, entered, and told her that the next time I smelled weed, I would call university police. So she got mad and from my room, I could hear her going on about "stupid fucking white bitches." Now, I don't care that Lena is black, but it is getting irritating. If I called her a black bitch, I would be in so much trouble, she would probably kick my ass. But she refers to all of us as "bitches," and that is somewhat offensive, and we have asked to stop. Which she hasn't. She tried to talk to me, but I she was visibly agitated and so she decided that we would talk later.
So, sadly, my day got worse. Aside from my regular, monthly hormonal fluctuations starting, I got a call from my mom.
My father had surgery to remove a growth (I will be kind and spare you the details) but my mom said they had to test it for cancer, saying that the doctor "didn't think it was cancer, but if it was, it had been caught early enough." Despite the assurances that my Dad would be fine, I felt nauseous and scared at the word "cancer." After this distressing conversation, Lena then wanted to talk. She started out by saying that she wanted to be able to say what she wanted to without interruptions, and I agreed. Essentially, she felt I was acting like I thought I was her mother and that it wasn't any of my business what she did. Also, she felt that people are either her friends or enemies. Apparently, I am now her enemy.
I countered that when she smoked pot, it permeated the entire apartment and that it did affect me. She felt that since she was risking trouble by smoking it, and since it was in her room, it affected only her. I again tried to explain that it stunk up the whole room and she started rolling her eyes. I told her that she was acting like a child, to which she said that she could do what she want, that it really didn't matter what I wanted, and that I could do whatever I wanted and that "you can call the LGA or UPD, but you'll just get fucked up." Yay for threats of physical violence. This pissed me off, so I asked her just what that meant, to which she said "nothin'." At this point, I was trying so hard to repress my anger and frustration that I started crying. So she said "I ain't gonna deal with you when you're crying," so I left the room.
Ths leads to another concern my mother has: I am on Paxil, which she once took as well. My mother's doctor told her that while Paxil does its job as an SSRI, sometimes it repressed emotions and makes it hard to cry. This is true for me. I can get upset about stuff, but before Tuesday night, I hadn't cried in over two months. I really wanted to call and LGA and report her threat, but when someone does that, the only thing I can do is move out if I feel threatened. She stays but I have to leave.
Then on Wednesday, Lena wouldn't even acknowledge my existence, but I didn't really care.
But on Thursday, I was just sick to my stomach. I was in a bad mood, nervous all day,on edge. I don't know why, but suddenly, I was scared to be around her. Rationally, I knew that Lena wouldnt' actually attack me, because that would get her kicked out. But I was still nervous. Then she actually left her friend La'toya alone in her room to talk with Bethany and Corinna, the only two roommates who haven't openly disagreed with her, calling them her friends. I got nervous over that. The fact that she ditched her friend to "bond" with Corinna and Bethany made me think that she's just trying to get them on her side. Of course, that's probably just a paranoid delusion.
Then on Thursday we were supposed to meet with the RLC, the head housing person for our area, but there was a miscommunication. So we ended up doing the meeting on Saturday, and we voiced our complaints and issues. On Wednesday there will be an apartment meeting. Knowing the housing system, nothing will probably change. But I just needed to stand up for myself, at least voice my complaints as opposed to doing nothing.
Now, on the Kostya front. I've come to the conclusion that nothing is going to happen. Aside from his busy schedule, he has personal problems that I won't divulege. Essentially, things keeps getting worse for him; his life is in chaos right now, and the last thing he needs is a girlfriend to complicate matters. For the most part, he just needs a friend to listen to and support him, not another complication. I mean, if he wants to start dating or something, I won't say no. But I'm not going to start anything. Yep, so much for that, but I can't, in good conscience, start something that he may very well not have the energy for.
But on the plus side, my Dad doesn't have cancer. Yay!
