My husband is all about the San Jose Sharks, and the local sports network shows almost all of their games, so some of the Sharks do commercials. They're pretty crack, but they amuse the fuck out of me. So I share with you, under the cut
( Crack Here )
The full story is HERE, but below I post the first place winner and then two "runners up."
“Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped ‘Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.’” — Garrison Spik
“‘Toads of glory, slugs of joy,’ sang Groin the dwarf as he trotted jovially down the path before a great dragon ate him because the author knew that this story was a train wreck after he typed the first few words.” — Alex Hall, Greeley, Colo.
“Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favorite sweater — love touches you, and marks you forever.” — Beth Fand Incollingo, Haddon Heights, N.J.
( Yay funnies! )
"When I was a baby I was not prejudiced
Hey how about you
This was something
That I learned in school"
-Ben Harper, "How Many Miles Must We March?"
My aunt sent me this joke, and for some reason, perhaps the descriptive details, I hearted it. so here it is.
If you like President Bush, I wouldn't recommend reading the joke...
To everyone's amazement, all of the colour ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering.
Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld,