My brain hurts

[vinniebatman]

Sometimes my brain swirls. Its not bad or anything, but its like my head is a blender and all these emotion, hopes, dreams, fear and anger get mixed together until I have a headache and a nervous/excited stomach flutter. It almost makes me feel sick. Yeah, I was really bitchy today, just randomly mean and often cruel. I hate being this way, and some people don't get why I call it a defense mechanism, but it is. I have all this self loathing and disgust, and if I throw it onto someone else, be mean to them, I'm not thinking about how much I hate myself. There is a strange power in cruelty, and it makes me feel better. Not that I have any mental problems or anything.

In other news, Corinna, Bethany, Marissa and I went and saw... well, "Saw." The script was good, but the dialogue... not so much. So being in bitch mode, I heckled. I need to fucking die (in a passive agressive way, not a "I'm gonna do something" way). I'll go shower, maybe that will calm me down.