Ass Shot

Aug. 11th, 2006 03:47 pm
[personal profile] vinniebatman
Title:  Ass Shot
Author: vinniebatman aka batmanvinnie
Fandom: SGA
Pairings: McShep
Rating/Warnings:  Teen, maybe Adult for innuendo or language
Disclaimer:  If I did own SGA, God, the amount of naked hot gay luvin' would be overwhelming!  But I don't, so let us mourn appropriately
Summary: While working on McKay's wound, Beckett learns a few things.
A/N:  This is my first one for this fandom, and I wrote it for the one, the only [personal profile] suki_blue.  I also want to give a shout out to [personal profile] darkhavens for also helping me get addicted to this fandom.Takes place during "Sateda," whilst McKay is still doped up.  Its silly and stupid and I hope I didn't screw up too badly.
Wier quickly walked from the room; she didn't have time to deal with these drug-induced ramblings.  She had people to get back.  As the sound of her boots faded, Beckett returned to patching up McKay's ass.

"Damnit McKay!"  Rodney looked up, a small smile spreadinga across his lips as he looked at the Major.  "We need to know what kind of danger your friends are in!  Talk to me, damnit!"

Rodney giggled.  "Hey, ya know, that vein on your forhead looks like my nosetubey."  Crossing his eyes, Rodney tried to look at the plastic apparatus.   The Major threw his hands in the air.

"God, I'll just leave you to getting your... ass-shot fixed."  He quickly turned on his heel before stalking out of the room, mutteirng about something along the lines of "Freaking Canadians."

As Beckett finished cleaning the wound, he pursed his lips.  Even though he was doped up, McKay still knew what he was talking about.  His mind just drifted.  Perhaps, if steered, he would drift over relevant information.

"So, Rodney, see anything interesting on the planet?" Beckett asked, trying for nonchalent.

"Nah.  Just the usual.  Dirt, trees, rocks, primitive people trying to kill us."  Suddenly, McKay paused before he began laughing again.

"What's so funny, Rodney?"

"You!  You're Scottish*!"  Rodney continued to laugh, pulling the oxygen tube away from his nose.  He rested his head on the table, sniffing at the tube before idly running the plastic up and down his nose.  He started humming.

"What song is that?" Beckett asked.  Carefully, he began the stitches.   

"Muh?"  McKay's response was muddled, lips and cheek smushed against the table.

"The song that you were humming, what was it?"  McKay smiled.
"I like that song."  Beckett chuckled.  

"Well what's the name of the song?"

"I dunno.  It's some song John likes," Rodney sighed.  "I hope he's okay."

Beckett froze.  Rodney was thinking on the present, perhaps with just a bit of prodding....

"Why?  What's wrong?"

"Ah crap, did you break my ass?  Did you hurt my ass-shot?" Rodney whimpered.

Oh, no, I was just asking what was wrong with you, not implying that there was something wrong down here."

"Oh, 's just sayin' that I hope they don't punch him in the face."


"John, stupid."  Stupid Scottish guy, he just couldn't keep up.  Then his thoughts drifted to John.  "Sucks when his mouth get all smashed.  Because then he can't kiss.  He's a good kisser."

Beckett blanched.  John... and Rodney... kisser?!

With a soft cough, he stepped away.  Rummaging around in his desk, he pulled out a recording device, one he typically used to record comments during autopsys.  Turning it on, he resumed his work.  It would be nice to have something on McKay, just to knock him down a peg when was being an arrogent... well, ass.

"You... and John Sheppard... kiss?"  

Rodney sighed happily.  "Yeaaah.  'S really nice.  Sometimes he's minty!  He likes mint gum and it tastes good on him.  He even likes mint lube!"

"Oh.  Interesting," Beckett squeaked, trying to focus on his stitches.   

"So, you and John, how long?"

Rodney raised his head from the table.  Looking over his shoulder, he pinned Beckett with a serious gaze.  "Inches or centimeters?"

Oh Holy Fucking Hell....  Beckett chocked back a laugh, which ended up sounding rather like a snort.

"Is my ass okay?"  Clearing his throat, he returned to McKay's ass.  

"Your 'ass' is fine."  Wincing at his choice of words, he shut his mouth and returned to the stitches. 

"So how long, Dr. Carson?"  Beckett squeezed his eyes shut.  He didn't really want to know how long anything on John was.  "How long?" McKay interrupted again.
"You mean, until you can leave?" he asked hopefully.

"No, until we can have the sex!  My butt isn't just for looking at, ya know!  It is a very fine ass and you would be proud to call it your own!" Rodney shouted, shaking his head in exasperation.

"We, uh, we'll just have to see how it heals, Rodney."  McKay nodded and rested his head on the table.  The morphine had finally started to make him sleepy.  

"Thats okay.  There's always... mouth."  As McKay drifted off, Beckett grinned.  Oh, the fun he would have with that recording.

This is actually a line from the film "Saving Grace" with Brenda Blythen and Craig Ferguson.  It's what Grace laughs at the first time she smokes weed.

Date: 2006-08-17 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Your format could do with double line breaks instead of single, but it's still a fun read. Stoned!Rodney is adorable. There should be more of stoned!Rodney! :D

That tape might just make Rodney stop with the sheep-shagging jokes. ;)

Date: 2006-08-17 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm so glad you thought it was good. A rabid ninja plot bunny had attacked my ass, *smirks* so I may be writing a short follow up. Thanks!

Date: 2006-08-17 04:03 pm (UTC)
ext_11979: (McShep in love by velocitygrass)
From: [identity profile]
Oooooh!! Yay!!!

Rodney giggled. “Hey, ya know, that vein on your forehead looks like my nosetubey.” Crossing his eyes, Rodney tried to look at the plastic apparatus. The Major threw his hands in the air.


”You! You’re Scottish*!” Rodney continued to laugh, pulling the oxygen tube away from his nose.

LMAO!!!! Wow, what an observation!

It would be nice to have something on McKay, just to knock him down a peg when was being an arrogant... well, ass.


”So, you and John, how long?”

Rodney raised his head from the table. Looking over his shoulder, he pinned Beckett with a serious gaze. “Inches or centimetres?”


That was so much fun, luv! I loved dopey!Rodney and I've been waiting patiently for an ass!fic. Thanks so much for writing this for me.

~big hugs~

Date: 2006-08-17 04:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I lubs my suki, and it looked too fun to not write. I would have finished it sooner *cough* but I spent too much time reading SGA transcripts instead of working. *looks about*
Not that I would EVER write instead of work. I am so glad you liked it. I was a wee bit nervous.

Date: 2006-08-17 04:19 pm (UTC)
ext_11979: (Rodney three by wwsd)
From: [identity profile]
Auw! I lubs you too!!!

Write instead of work? Nope, I wouldn't do that either. ~cough~ Nopedy nope, nope.

Nothing to be nervous about. You know I like my comedy and that was so very funny.

Thanks, luv. That was such a nice thing to come home to.

Date: 2006-12-22 10:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
And there you are - and you did it again!!

Hee, I thought the * after 'Scottish' was going to be an explanation as to why you hadn't called him 'Scots' or indeed 'Scotch'!! That and the fact that you know [ profile] suki_blue makes me think you may be British?!

Anywhoo - one is good; two is freakin' fabulous - mind if I friend you?

Loved both of these.

Date: 2006-12-22 10:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed this one too. It was fun to write, because hey, drugged!Rodney is fun. Go ahead and friend me all you like....
my, that sounded dirty.

Date: 2006-12-22 10:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
my, that sounded dirty

It always does...I've stopped fighting it...

OBW - changed the icon - just so you know suki doesn't own my ass completely!

And my friends so did the whole drag me kicking and screaming into a new fandom thing too...this time last year actually. Aaah the memories...'oh that's Rodney!! He's so cute! Not the tall guy with the dreadlocks then...' - yes, I was very confused back then!!! Not helped by the fact that my friends love Ronon and really don't get Rodney at all!! And yet here I am! Still.

Right going to go away and attempt to friend you now - am feeling no pain thanks to a bottle of dry white wine - which is great on one hand but also means this will probably be posted with lots of errors and stuff...!!

Date: 2006-12-23 12:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Rodney raised his head from the table. Looking over his shoulder, he pinned Beckett with a serious gaze. "Inches or centimeters?"

You owe me a new monitor! Total spit take ROTFLMAO! THAT was priceless! heheh the whole thing was great :D Thanks!

Date: 2006-12-27 05:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I caused a spit take? This may be the proudest moment of my life.
Thank you!

Date: 2006-12-23 11:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]


Date: 2006-12-27 05:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks! I like hearing nice things about my writing.

Date: 2006-12-24 03:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Very cute. Thanks.

Date: 2006-12-27 05:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you! Your comments gave my warm happy fuzzy feelings!

Date: 2006-12-28 11:17 pm (UTC)

Date: 2007-01-28 01:12 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I loved the idea of Carson taking advantage of Rodney's loose tongue for future blackmailing purposes *g*.




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