2010-10-28 01:16 pm


So I haven't had much luck apartment hunting.  Kostya kind of doesn't want me to leave; its like he wants to set me free but he doesn't want to change anything.  Anyways, I haven't found a lot of great places, but I'm trying to stay positive.  It just gets hard some days. (If this makes no sense, see my previous post).

Every day, I just feel so tired.  Not physically, but emotionally.  I'm tired of thinking and stressing out and planning and looking.  It's so hard to focus on anything, and half the time I'm just jittery with nerves.  The other night, I started itching and got hives on my arms.  Which has never happened before.  And then I won't leave town because I don't want to possibly miss out on an apartment.  I'm just freaking myself out more, but there's nothing I can do about it.  And there are pretty much always tear just below the surface.  I'm just so fucking tired.  A part of me is still excited about being on my own, but at the same time, I pretty much been clenching my jaw for the past two weeks.

Also, Kostya told me that he wanted the divorce on the 16th.  On my office calendar, it states that October 16 is "Sweetest Day."

On the plus side, I got a care package from my brother today, returning a movie he borrowed, and loaning me a book about zombies, and also containing a bunch of chocolate and a zombie finger puppet.  Oh, and a baby pumpkin with a jack o'lantern fact drawn in marker.

So, all in all, to paraphrase the great Lili von Shtupp, "I'm tired."