It's headlines like these that truly make my day. It makes me wonder if there are slashers working at the newspaper....

It must be true that Spander are (is) Giants, since it was in the SF Examiner.  It was a headline, even.  Okay, sure, the paper endorsed McCain/Palin, but the paper is free.

Click to see the headline!

Click to See the Headline! )

So, you'll have to be a fan of Hitchcock movies, particularly Vertigo with Jimmy Stewart and Kim Novak to get my nerdy joy about this.

There was a song called "Flagpole Sitta" that came out when I was in high school.  At work, I listen to internet radio I heard this song again and decided to buy a used copy, as there are no more new pressings done.  Anyways, I pop it in to listen to it, and the first song that comes on is called "Carlotta Valdez."  I just... the geektastic joy I get from this overwhelms me.

Oh, and one of coworkers, Chris, is a major Hitchcock fan, especially of Vertigo (perhaps because the film takes place in San Francisco), but when I told him, he almost had a nerd-gasm.

So here are the lyrics, and I hope you fellow Hitchcock fans get a kick out of it too.

Carlotta Valdez by Harvey Danger )
Funny!!!

I read a couple of comic strips online each day,  and this one killed me.

http://news.yahoo.com/comics/pearlsbeforeswine

It'll probably change on sat., but you can always go back to 7/21.

Its joyous.

*ROTFLMAO*

Jun. 27th, 2006 09:48 am

Oh my god.  This was a headline on yahoo news.  Oh god...  You HAVE to read this.

Rush Limbaugh Arrested for Drug Fraud

RHPS

May. 2nd, 2006 12:40 pm
Okay, so I'm not a major fan of Rocky Horror Picture Show, but I gots me some homies what dig it. So here is a little tid bit of info:

Rocky Horror Show stars reuniting

Macabre

May. 1st, 2006 10:59 am
Um, I hoped I spelled that right. Anyways, it probably isn't nice and happy and fluffy to celebrate death, but I can't help it!

1945: Germany announces Hitler is dead

*smirks*

Guess its springtime for Hitler and all that rot.

I'm a sad, sick puppy. *wags tail*


Oy, this just... man, so much for the magical fruit.

Experts make flatulence-free bean
Okay, so there is a new Saladfingers, quite hilarious:
http://www.fat-pie.com/
And L introduced me to a wonderful website called The Superficial. Yay for scathingly sarcastic and mocking looks at celebrities!
http://thesuperficial.com/

Peace out.
Oh, and I decided on bridesmaid gowns. Well, they're tops and skirts, so yay for that.

Recs!

Feb. 5th, 2006 12:07 am
Okay, so I've been watching some music videos. Anywhoo, some recs here.

Stupid by Sarah McLachlin; Bethany, period dress!!!



Then,I Write Sins, Not Tragedies by Panic! At the Disco. Very trippy wedding video. Gives me some ideas...


Another is Kiss Me, Kill Me by Mest, which is a crazy video that I dig. And the plot is quite intruiging.


Then there's a new video from My Chemical Romance that I enjoy, called Ghost of You. The plot is about D-Day, which was actually fairly accurate and graphic, for a music video. I mean, instead of going for the emo schmaltz video, they used something from real life. The lead singer's emotional style work for it. And the bass player wears glasses and is hot, while the lead singer in the performance shots has this Elvis thing going on.


Also, the video for Juicebox by the Strokes: hilarious, though rated for gratuitious vomit. And while there are two chicks making out, there are also two dudes. Yay equality! And David Cross is in it, too!


And of course, One Way Ticket... To Hell and Back by The Darkness. Yay for new Darkness!!!

Oy

Jan. 29th, 2006 03:26 pm
Okay, by now you probably all know my love of Empire movie magazine. Anyways, I get weekly newsletters emailed, and they had the following section. It gave me a kind of soul hurting joy to read.

Enjoy.


"Things we've learned this week...
-Harrison Ford used to be a roadie for The Doors.
-If you removed the empty space inside our atoms the entire human race could fit inside a sugar cube.
-The sequel to Operation Wolf was called Operation Thunderbolt and not, despite my best recollections, Operation Bear.
-Julia Roberts recommended Clive Owen to Jennifer Aniston as a co-star.
-Male sharks are blessed with two penises (each, not between them)."
Okay, so I have entirely waaaaaay too much time on my hands. So here is something I found online, the strange meditative thing where you make George Bush fall and contort. Its good times. Or something...

http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html/falling_bush.shtml

And here is one mocking the utter insanity that is the habit of comic books killing characters and bringing them back:

http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html/xmen.shtml

This one is just kind of a cool animated music video. Highly recommend it.

http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html/i_love_death.shtml

Good stuff...
Okay, so Empire Magazine, the best movie magazine in the world, does this online, Christmas Advent Calander each year. Here are some of the goodies:

Christmas Quotes:
"Now I have a machine gun. Ho. Ho. Ho."

Hans, Die Hard



"Nephew, if I could work my will any idiot who goes around with a Merry Christmas on his lips would be cooked with his own turkey and buried with a stake of holly through his heart."

Ebenezer Scrooge, The Muppet's Christmas Carol




Cindy Lou Who: "Santa, what's the meaning of Christmas?"
The Grinch: "VENGEANCE! I mean... presents, I suppose"

How The Grinch Stole Christmas


"There's children throwing snowballs / instead of throwing heads / they're busy building toys / and absolutely no one's dead!"

Jack Skellington, A Nightmare Before Christmas

"I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands"

Buddy, Elf

"Who needs Christmas anyway? I say 'Bug Humbar'."

Dick Solomon, 3rd Rock From The Sun


"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah."

Clark, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation



"If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas.
It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us."

Bart, The Simpsons



"Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! "

Sue, Bad Santa


"Oh, Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind... and that's what's been changing. That's why I'm glad I'm here, maybe I can do something about it. "

Kris Kringle, Miracle on 34th Street



"Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan! "

George Bailey, It's A Wonderful Life



"It's Christmas Eve. It's the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be. "

Frank Cross, Scrooged



"This is CHRISTMAS. The season of perpetual hope. And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son."

Kate McCallister, Home Alone



Otis B. Driftwood: "It's all right, tha-that's in every contract. Tha-that's what they call a sanity clause."
Fiorello: "Ha ha ha... you can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause."

A Night At The Opera


"... so if you believe in Christmas, children, like your uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record... "

Billy Mack, Love, Actually

Pimpin'

Dec. 13th, 2005 12:58 pm
First Ever Cartoon Strip of The Misadvendtures of One-Eyed Sticky Stickton



This is a comic by my friend Bethany [livejournal.com profile] macaroni_thief. It rocks and should be seen by all. ALL!!!!
Okay, this was hilarious. Just, even if you don't know him, his comments are funny. I cleaned up all of my errors, but I did leave his typos in, just for shits and giggles.


"Rocket Queen" by Guns N' Roses: "Starts like a pissed off cobra in a pit of drunk prison inmates before transforming into a gentle aunt washing your hair. 'Rocket Queen' is a satisfying song for anyone with multiple personalities that all hate each other and a strong desire to chew on a chain."

"My Name is Jonas" by Weezer: "Sometimes when I meet someone I've never met before I start by saying, 'My name is Jonas. I'm carrying the wheel.' Then the person kind of gets a puzzled look on their face and I say the next line, 'Thanks for all you've shown us. But this is how we feel.' I keep going with the song until the either catch on or walk away massively frustrated by my riddle. Someday I hope the person stays until I get to march in cirlces hollering, 'The workers are going home.'"

"Shout at the Devil" by Motley Crue: "You have not lived if you haven't driven to Vegas at 3:30 in the morning doing 138 mph down a desert highway with the top down covered in bison blood. Or maybe you have. Nevermind. Cool tune."

"Rebel Yell" by Billy Idol: "Put this song on and try your hardest not to impersonate Idol. Ya can't. You will throw your fist up. You will curl your lip. You will thrust your private area. I bet you forty bucks. You can't not do it so don't lie."

"Space Truckin'" by Deep Purple: "Hi, my name is Dane Cook. Wanna watch me play my air guitar? No? Well then go swallow your own fist you boring boob."

"Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses: "If there was ever a song that made me want to go down life's 'bad road,' it was this hypnotic, teeth-smashing creature of a song. I wanted to buy a ski mask and rob every bank in sight. Then give the money to a new charity I've started in my pocket."

"Rock n' Roll Band" by Boston: "I dig this whole album. This is one of the few albums that I can play all the way throught to this day. I still remember driving around in my '78 Thunderbird Cranking this tune, and if I denied wanting to join a band and trying to make it to the top, I'd be lying."

"Whatsername" by Greenday: "I agree with every line of this tune. A brilliant song from one of my favorite albums ever."

"Suspicious Minds" by Elvis: "Lyrics that make you stop what you're doing, look at your girl and wonder if she feels the same way. Or maybe you do?"

"Peaches" by The Presidents of the United States of America: And I don't even like Peaches."

"Youth Gone Wild" by Skid Row: "I'd love to find this kid Mike, who in high school threw a cup of paint at me during art class. I didn't do anything at the time, but to this day I wish I kicked his ass. It's probably my only regret in life to this day. Nothing to do with this song but I thought it was an opportunity to get something's off my chest. And you know what? I feel better! Thanks iTunes Music Store. You're like a friend that knows a lot of cools songs."

"St. John" by Aerosmith: "We're all Boston boys. Gotta represent the best band from the best city on Earth."

"Killing in the Name" by Rage Against the Machine: "If I was a superhero and I had to pick a theme song that played everthing I came to fight villians this would be my song. By the way my superhero name, Cap'n Justice."

"Dragostea Din Tei" by O-Zone" If you haven't seen it or don't know what I'm talking about you really have not business being online ever again. Internet? You should be on the InterNOT. Haha...lol...rotfl."
This is some sexual slang, care of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_slang#Introduction and my roommates.
Here are a few of them, and these are just the ones I found funny

For Sex:
Aarvarking
Bashing the Beaver
Catholic roulette (especially without the use of birth control)
Checking the old crude oil!
Giving the monkey a banana
Growling at the badger
Harpooning the mustached whale
Laying some pipe
Nipping the bean bag
Poking the bearded triangle
Poking the pie
Pole jumping
Riding the baloney pony
Running the naked wheelbarrow race
Sewing up the hatchet wound
Swiping the V-card
Taking "old one-eye" to the optometrist

Here are the terms for Anal sex....
Dancing with Bubba
Shopping at Walmart
Tailgunning

And of course, the terms for fellatio...
Bone yodeling
Flag salute, the
Giving the stump speech
Playing the skin flute
Slurping the bishop
Smoking bone

And we can't forget masturbation...
Beating the bishop
Boxing the clown
Greasing the Jesus
Hand to gland combat
Honking on Bobo
Kicking the midget
Roughing up the suspect

SWEET!!!

Jan. 31st, 2005 05:24 pm
Your Husband Generator by Lady_Galadriel
Name
Your Husband Is
You Metin the park
You Have1 child
You Liveaustralia
Ina tent
You And Your Partner Are Best Known Forhaving a wedding that cost over 30 million $/£.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Here is another link I got, this one from my homie Corinna.  It's a link to a blog by a writer who works at a porn store.  Its called "True Porn Clerk Stories," and its so damn funny!  I highly recommend it, just for a laugh.


http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/showthread.php?s=674ed26fe7a14bb7ca9b5d588588f708&threadid=4475&perpage=20&pagenumber=1

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