[personal profile] vinniebatman
Title: Atrophy
Author: [livejournal.com profile] vinniebatman
Fandom: Star Trek, specifically STXI, aka the Reboot.
Characters/Pairings: McCoy/Chekov
Rating/Warnings:  Adult for sexy times and McCoy's invective-laden inner monologuing.
Spoilers: General spoilers for the newest Star Trek film.
Prompt:  McCoy/Chekov, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here." for [livejournal.com profile] strickens_girl
Word Count: 855.  I really freaking suck at word limits.  Like, seriously.
Beta: [livejournal.com profile] _beetle_
Disclaimer: I so totally own this movie.  Bow Down!  *Doctor's Note: Patient exhibits delusions of grandeur and any claims of ownership are pure fantasy.  No harm is meant.  Seriously, it's better than her throwing rocks at people.*
Real Disclaimer:  I make no money from this work, and claim no ownership over the to any of the copyrighted material of "Star Trek" in any of its incarnations.  This work belongs to its owners.



Sonic showers weren't Leonard's favorite way to get clean. Unlike water, sonics lacked that cathartic quality that could wash awaymore than just sweat, come, and lube. No matter how well the sonics cleaned him, it wasn't enough to wash away his guilt.

Leonard had considered himself a good, kind man, despite his unwillingness to coddle fools. He'd given everything to his wife, leaving him hollow, as though she'd carved out those kinder parts of him and thrown them away.

He was fucking weak; that was the crux of the matter.  He always said each fuck was the last.  But something always happened; maybe the ex would block his communications, or Joanna'd cry at the end of a vid, or he'd loose a patient ... something would tear at him until emptiness filled him, withering the remenants of his soul and urging him to forget his only-one-glass-of-bourbon rule and drink straight from the bottle.

Somehow, that little Russian bastard always knew.

It was always the same: Chekov would show up, coy smile on his lips as he barged in, welcoming Leonard's biting kisses.  Leonard was never sweet or gentle; instead shoving and moving Chekov like a fuck-toy.  Chekov always wound up on his knees, pretty lips stretched around Leonard's cock, sucking until Leonard had to grab those soft curls and yank that mouth away.

Then he'd have Chekov stripped and on his hands and knees, keening and rocking back onto Leonard's fingers (the only time he was remotely gentle).  He always watched as two fingers became three, stretching until Chekov was begging.  Leonard would push inside, and surrounded by tight, perfect heat, he'd give up any pretense of civility.  Everything fell away leaving only heat and flesh and lust and pleasure.  Leonard would snap his hips, driving faster and harder, ignoring Chekov's moans as the younger man jerked himself off.

After they came, Chekov would look at him, eyes soft and open, pleading for more.  And Leonard would force himself off the bed, away from a warm body that just fit.  Leonard never knew what to say, afraid of what those eyes were asking. Those eyes dimmed a bit more each time, fading when Leonard offered the only words he had left: "Better get going, kid."

And then Leonard would shower, cursing and hating  himself for using Chekov like a god damned whore, a tool to keep himself togther. Sometimes he hated Chekov for letting it happen. Chekov wasn't a kid; he was an adult, an officer, old enough to be responsile for his own actions.

He clenched his jaw and pressed his forehead against the wall; he was as clean as he'd get.  This was the last time; it wouldn't happen again.  Leonard stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel  around his waist more out of habit than need, before heading into his bedroom.

He stopped short; Chekov was still on the bed, limbs splayed, ass tilted.  He hadn't even moved out of the wet spot.  Leonard moved closer to the pillow where Chekov's head lay.  He crouched, studying his sleeping face.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.   His eyes were closed, the skin around them dark with exhaustion.  Fuck.

Leonard should have sent him back to his own quarters; Chekov had needed sleep, not to be used as a goddamned sex-toy.  But Leonard'd been in such a rush that he'd barely looked at Chekov.  It'd been a shit week; one crew member dead on the planet, one dead in the OR.

Something in his chest twinged; he reached out and gently ran his fingers through those curls.  Leonard sighed and shook his head.

"Doctor?"  Chekov opened his eyes, his expression hazy and drugged with sleep.  He frowned and studied Leonard, then flushed at the sight of his bare chest.  "Oh, I am sorry; I did not mean to fall asleep."

Chekov moved to get up.

"Go back to sleep, kid; you won't make it to your quarters before you pass out."

Chekov smiled, sleepy and content.  "Okay."

He buried his face in the pillow, wriggling into a more comfortable position.  Leonard stood and tossed his towel away before climbing into bed.  He covered them with the blankets and shut off the lights.

He didn't say anything when Chekov moved closer.

Date: 2010-07-08 04:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] strickens-girl.livejournal.com
*wibbles*

I love this. This seems so like McCoy to me, wanting but hating himself for it. The last line is my fav. Lovely.

*cuddles you*

Date: 2010-07-08 04:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Eeee! *flails, tackles*

I'm so glad you liked it! I was a bit nervous about this, so I'm so dead pleased you enjoyed it.

Their romance will be a slow one, with Chekov plotting, slowly making himself a constant presence in McCoy's life.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-08 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] witchway.livejournal.com
FIRST: all these startreck icons are to DIE for!

SECOND: OMG with the H O T.

THIRD: yeah, guilt needs WATER to wash it away, and that's all.

FOURTH: OMG McCoy you're a DOCTOR for goddsakes, just admit you're gay and get on with your life! Yes, you quite obviously need to stop using Chekov (no matter how much you enjoy it) and start enjoying him. *yay hugs two men who will eventually love each other*

Date: 2010-07-08 08:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Actually, the gay aspect doesn't bother him. If Chekov was a woman, he'd still hate himself. McCoy just doesn't like himself, so he feels like even if he had something left to give Chekov, even if he could love him, Chekov would deserve better. McCoy feels like he's poisoned, unable to offer anything of worth.

Chekov kinda knew already, but he has no plans to let McCoy push him away. Chekov is a sneaky, determined bastid.

Thanks for the commenty joy!

~Alice~

ok -- THAT icon wins the prize.

Date: 2010-07-08 09:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] witchway.livejournal.com
*ooooh* that's even better!

So, basically, McCoy needs to admit he's HUMAN and snuggle.

*happy*

Date: 2010-07-08 05:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] serialbathera.livejournal.com
Great job :)

Date: 2010-07-08 04:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Thank you sweetie! Thanks so much!

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-08 05:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] serialbathera.livejournal.com
You are welcome ::glomps you randomly::

Date: 2010-07-08 05:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] treksnoopy.livejournal.com
Got to love a good guilt fic & Leonard is so susceptible:-)
Very nicely done!

Date: 2010-07-08 04:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
He is, I think he's lost so much that he's really internalized it. I'm so glad you liked it, and I really that you took the time to let me know.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-08 05:51 am (UTC)
ext_367923: (Chekov and McCoy)
From: [identity profile] easilymused1956.livejournal.com
Ah, Chekov, there's no doubt McCoy is his addiction. Now McCoy has to realize it's a mutual one.

Wonderfully moody story.

Renee

Date: 2010-07-08 04:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
McCoy is Chekov's addition; he always expected the treatment he's received, but now that he's seen that McCoy can be a bit tender, well, McCoy doesn't stand a damn chances. *points to own icon*

Thank you for commenting!

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-08 05:03 pm (UTC)
ext_367923: (Anton)
From: [identity profile] easilymused1956.livejournal.com
Love your icon!

Renee

Date: 2010-07-08 06:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] diane-kepler.livejournal.com
Unf and wow and love it.

Date: 2010-07-08 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you liked it! It was nerve wracking yet easy to write; I was nervous about it, so its quite nice to get such positive feedback.

Thanks.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-08 06:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] loquaciousambie.livejournal.com
Oh my gosh this is so excellent.

Date: 2010-07-08 04:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm so glad you took the time to tell me. *waves*

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-08 05:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] loquaciousambie.livejournal.com
I'm bad about sometimes reading and not commenting on fics (trying to be better about that...) and this is my favorite pairing, so you need some love for writing it!

Date: 2010-07-08 08:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] originalpuck.livejournal.com
The end left me grinning. Haha, McCoy, Chekov will get to your heart when you're least expecting it!

Date: 2010-07-08 04:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
*points to own icon*
Chekov will get his man. He's got the long game in mind. He didn't have much hope before, but after this night, he'll develop a six month courtship plan. He's a craft lil Russian.

Thank you so much for the feedback.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-08 10:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] littlemissgg.livejournal.com
Oh angst with a side of fluff, marvellous!

Date: 2010-07-08 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Thanks! I was surprised I pulled off the combo. I think this means I'm the reincarnation of Gene Roddenbary. Or I'm just nuts *grins*.

Either or, either or.

Thanks for the feedback.

*snickers* Our icons are the duel of the jailbaits.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-08 10:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] devo79.livejournal.com
Sad but with possible hope in the future.

Well written.

Date: 2010-07-08 04:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
I think McCoy has a lot of healing to do; he gave everything to the ex and feels like he has nothing left. If he gives that to Chekov and Chekov leaves, he'll have nothing.

But yeah, total hope for the future. Chekov has a lot more in store for McCoy *grins*

Thanks so much for the review.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-08 12:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] secretsolitaire.livejournal.com
Aw, there you go, McCoy. Just let him stay. ♥

Date: 2010-07-08 04:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
I chose the title to refer to McCoy's ability to love. It isn't gone, but it's whithered; he needs time and a tenacious Russian. Luckily, he has both.

*grins*

Thank you so much for commenting!

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-08 12:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] abigail89.livejournal.com
Awww, McCoy.

Nicely done.

Date: 2010-07-08 04:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
I love McCoy. Partially because sweetdancingzombies Karl Urban is beautiful *sighs*

But yeah, what was I saying? Oh yeah, he's definitely the sort who'd carry his guilt with him.

I'm so glad you liked this, and thanks for reviewing.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-09 03:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] captaincadet.livejournal.com
d'awww they are so cute.

i love mccoy's guilt vs. anger at chekov for letting it happen. amazing.

Date: 2010-07-12 12:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
I'm so glad the emotionality resonated with you; I was worried about it.

Thanks for the review!

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-11 10:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_beetle_/
I heart you so much, especially that beautiful brain of yours. And I'm right there with Strickens on that last line. So angsty and wanting and PERFECT.

This is going into memories, along with the last few posts. Damn fine stuff, and I wish I'd written it.

Date: 2010-07-12 12:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you liked it! I like it when my Beetle likes my stuff! *hugs*

~Alice~

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