[personal profile] vinniebatman
Title:  K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Author: [livejournal.com profile] vinniebatman
Fandom: BtVS, AtS
Characters/Pairings: Spander, Dawn/Connor, Kennedy/Willow,
Faith/Willow, Andrew/? (it's a silly surprise!)
Rating/Warnings:  Teen for language, and warnings for random
crackness and slashy undertones.
Spoilers: General spoilers for both tv shows.  Disregards the comics.
Prompt: Spander, tree for [livejournal.com profile] anxiety_junkie
Word Count: 888, a  complete and total total fail of the rules
I set for myself.
Beta: [livejournal.com profile] _beetle_
Disclaimer: I so totally own this show.  Bow Down!  *Doctor's
Note: Patient exhibits delusions of grandeur and any claims of
ownership are pure fantasy.  No harm is meant.  Seriously, it's better
than her throwing rocks at people.*
Real Disclaimer:  I make no money from this, and claim no
ownership over the to any of the copyrighted material of "Buffy the
Vampire Slayer" or "Angel the Series."  Those works belong to their
creators.



On a sunny Sunday morning, the dining hall was filled with Slayers,
Watchers, and guests.  Many had gathered at the Montreal Slayers'
Academy for Dawn and Connor's wedding, and quite a few were still
feeling the aftereffects of the wedding reception; namely,
embarrassment.

No one had been too surprised the previous evening when Connor had
suddenly tossed Dawn over his shoulder and run from the dance floor,
the puffy white dress billowing behind them.  It also wasn't
surprising when several established couples had suddenly began kissing
and groping.  Weird, yes, but surprising, no.

It was more surprising when Faith had suddenly yelled "fuck it,"
punched out Kennedy, and then'd thrown Willow onto a table and jumped
on top of her.  A few Slayers and several men were disappointed when
the writhing, kissing couple had suddenly teleported away.  Those
unaffected by the strange mood had investigated and found the cause of
these actions to be Andrew, who'd cast a spell looking for his true
love.

The next morning, most of the couples sat at breakfast, red faced.  Of
course, Willow had apologized profusely to Kennedy, while Faith had
just shrugged smugly.  Two minutes later, Kennedy was once again
unconscious at Faith's hand, having attempted to kiss Willow.  Because
it turned out that while the effect of the spell had been an accident,
the desires involved hadn't been created, just revealed.  Which
meant....

It was at this moment that a hunched, bashful figure entered the
doorway: Xander.  His face was a bright shade of red as he entered the
dining hall, fidgeting with is eye patch before scurrying over to his
usual table.

Dawn grinned. "Spike and Xander," she sing-songed.

Xander glared, but she continued.

"Sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I--"

"That's not what they were doing last night, Dawnie," Faith interrupted.

"Ah, good point.  Fine.  Spike and Xander, sittin' in a tree,
F-U-C-K-I--
"

"Dawnie!" Buffy yelped. "Shut up, I do not need these mental images!"

"Really?  Because I sure as hell don't mind," Faith drawled, leering
at Xander.

"Faith!" Willow admonished, confusion plainly lining her face.

"What?  Just 'cause I'm all crazy over you don't mean I can't
appreciate the idea of Spike and Xander fuckin,'" she said.  She
looked over at Willow with an fond leer, then pulled the witch's chair
closer.  She leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to her lips, a kiss
that quickly turned heated.

Xander stared, his eye wide before he looked away and dropped his head
onto the table.  "God, I have officially entered the evil mirror
universe.  Just kill me now," he groaned.

"Nah," Connor said, snickering.  "I don't wanna piss Spike off."

"Aw, poor Xander," Willow said.  She placed a hand on his shoulder and
gently squeezed.  "You should eat."

"Yeah," Connor teased, "He'll need to keep his strength up."

"Yeah, right.  I don't think Spike'll make the same mistake twice,"
Xander said, lifting his head when the table fell silent.  He frowned
and scrunched his nose, staring at the group. "Crap, what did I do
wrong now?"

"Xander, last night happened because Andrew cast a spell," Willow started.

"Figures."  Xander snorted.

"But it wasn't like a lust spell or anything, it was a love spell."

Xander's gaze went blank as he thought.  The next instant, his face
shifted from fear to confusion to incredulity.  "Wait, Andrew made
Spike fall in love with me?" he squeaked.

"Not quite," Willow said.  "See--"

"What my girl here means to say is that it only makes you act on what
you want, it doesn't make you want something you normally don't,"
Faith interrupted.

Xander's eye widened as his jaw dropped.  "So you're saying that
Spike... like, normally wants me?"

"Yep."

A small smile quirked his lips, then grew into a full smile.  A bark
of laughter errupted from him, short and surprised, but joyous.  "Wow,
so we're like, the weirdest pairing, huh?"

"Not even close, Boy Toy," Faith drawled.

Xander nodded before falling silent.  He sat still for a few moments,
frowning.  Then in a rush, he suddenly stood, his chair clattering to
the floor.  He quickly fashioned a sandwich out of bacon and pancakes
before running out of the room.

Five minutes later, Andrew stumbled into the room.  His face was pale
and drawn as he walked gingerly, his movements careful as he
approached the original Scoobies.

"Wow, Andrew. You look like you were rode hard and put away wet," Buffy noted.

Andrew frowned. "What does that even mean?" he asked.

"I dunno," Buffy said with shrug.  "I guess it--"

"You little worm!"

The room fell silent as Kennedy struggled to her feet.  Her face was
bruised and bloody as she stood, her eyes filled with a hate directed
right at Andrew.  She lunged at him, but before she could make
contact, Illyria was there, holding her off the ground, a blue hand
wrapped around Kennedy's throat.

"Let it be known henceforth that none may punish my consort but me,"
Illyria announced.

The room was once again silent, broken only by one sound:

Andrew's whimper.

Date: 2010-06-06 03:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] velvetwhip.livejournal.com
*giggles*

Andrew and Illyria??? I love it!


Gabrielle

Date: 2010-06-06 05:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Come on, you know Illyria needs an adoring minion, and that is Andrew. She'd be good at keeping him in line!

I'm glad this made you giggle!

~Alice~

Date: 2010-06-06 05:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] velvetwhip.livejournal.com
It sure did! Great job, honey!


Gabrielle

VELVETWHIP

Date: 2010-07-03 12:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] witchway.livejournal.com
I didn't realize you had such an AWESOME icon!!!


My brain was so happy with the Xander/Spike and Xander's train of thought (before the breakfast sandwitch) that I was TOTALLY sideswiped by the Big Reveal. ILLYRIA is Andrew's true love? Why not??? (Esp. since Spike is seriously taken. Not that I think SPIKE would like the pairing, but I'm pretty sure it was what Andrew had in mind.)

Re: VELVETWHIP

Date: 2010-07-03 04:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] velvetwhip.livejournal.com
Glad you liked my icon. I have no idea who made it.



Gabrielle

Date: 2010-06-06 05:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anxiety-junkie.livejournal.com
Fic for me?! *fangirl squee*

I love how you interpreted the prompt, that was so much fun! But now I want a bacon and pancake sandwich. :P

Date: 2010-06-06 05:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Pancon sammies are made of win. Oh, and if you're drunk, add some vanilla ice cream. It's a party in your mouth!

I'm so glad you liked it, I just... as soon as I heard tree, I heard that song and it went from there.

*hugs*

~Alice~

Date: 2010-06-06 05:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] serialbathera.livejournal.com
Delightfully awesome :) I love the ending

Date: 2010-07-02 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Thanks! Sorry I didn't respond to your comment sooner! Kinda spaced out.

I just like the idea of Andrew being kinda owned by Illyria. Good times.

*hugs*

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-02 07:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] serialbathera.livejournal.com
That is okay, I thought you had till I checked my inbox today...oops. :)
Sounds like good times, it would be interesting to read more with this pair :)
Great work as always
::hugs::

Date: 2010-06-06 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_beetle_/
Best. Rare-pair. EVER!
::loves::

Date: 2010-07-02 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Now we just need to write an Andrew/Spock *grins*

I'm glad my wifey like this.

~Alice~

OK

Date: 2010-07-03 12:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] witchway.livejournal.com
your icon totall wins the Spander Award forever.




The OTHER reason your ficlit is awesome is because of the setting......Conner/Dawn! To die for!

Date: 2010-06-08 01:01 pm (UTC)
ext_30023: (Default)
From: [identity profile] laazikaat.livejournal.com
That was gorgeous! Love the ending, poor Andrew.

Date: 2010-07-02 05:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Actually, I think Andrew is happy about the turn of events. He just needs to increase is stamina and flexability.

*grins*

Glad you liked it.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-06-30 05:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fanficjunkie26.livejournal.com
omg i love this. Kennedy getting her ass kick LOVE IT!

Date: 2010-07-02 05:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
I'm sure Kennedy wasn't that bad of a person, but after how awesome Tara was, Kennedy was a hell of a step down. I'm pretty sure she'll volunteer for duty in the far east.

Glad you enjoyed this!

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-02 06:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skargasm.livejournal.com
That was absolutely perfect, down to Andrew's whimper - fantastic!

Date: 2010-07-03 06:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Thanks! It was fun, and once I had the Andrew/Illyria idea, my brain went "OMGWTFBBQYES!"

Glad it worked.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-03 07:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skargasm.livejournal.com
It definitely worked - I'm still smirking over it!

Date: 2010-07-02 07:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] forsaken2003.livejournal.com
That'll teach Andrew to mess with magic! Hee!

Date: 2010-07-03 06:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
After being Illyria's consort, you know no slayer will mess with him again. I'm thinking once he ups his stamina, he'll be pleased with the outcome.

*grins*

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-02 08:40 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I chuckled aloud when I got to your ending. Poor Andrew!
As usual clever and well done= thanks!

Date: 2010-07-02 10:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zowiebwalker.livejournal.com
LMAO!!!!!!!!!

Date: 2010-07-03 06:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Thanks! I like to make you all laugh.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-02 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spazlady2002.livejournal.com
huh. no shit! wow that is kinda scary that. I would say poor Andrew but some part of me feels he deserves it.

Awesome fic and thank you for sharing this.

Date: 2010-07-03 06:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
People keep thinking I'm punishing Andrew. But in my mind, after he gets over the shock and soreness, he'll realize that is desired by a former godking who will crush any who dare harm him. I think he'll be happy with that. He's a total minion, like with Warren; he just needs someone who'll be devoted back.

I'm glad you liked this.

~Alice~

THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS

Date: 2010-07-03 12:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] witchway.livejournal.com
that are amazing about this fic I don't know where to begin.



I'll start with this one:

"So you're saying that
Spike... like, normally wants me?" ...... so we're like, the weirdest pairing, huh?.........Xander nodded before falling silent.


I would KILL to know what was going through Xander's head! (And I LOL when he rushed out of the room.....but grabbed food first. NEED THE ENERGY XANDER!)

Re: THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS

Date: 2010-07-03 06:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Hell yes he'll need more energy. He's tired after all of that!

I'm so glad you liked so much about this. It was crazy and fun to write.

Thanks so much for the FB.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-03 07:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naughty-fae.livejournal.com
Absolutely hilarious, wonderful writing!

Date: 2010-07-04 05:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Thanks! It was a lot of fun so I'm glad you liked it.

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-03 08:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seadragonlady.livejournal.com
Nicely doen. I can almost see that *whimper*.

Date: 2010-07-04 05:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
I can hear it in my mind, though in my mind once he'd gets over being sore, he'll be incredibly happy over the situation.

Thanks for the feedback!

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-03 01:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darkangle102.livejournal.com
man that was gooood Andrew and Illyria??? no one saw this coming and i love each part of this fiction.

Date: 2010-07-04 05:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
I know, it was such a shocking idea I couldn't not do it once it occurred to me. I'm so glad you liked this!

~Alice~

Date: 2010-07-04 03:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] windandsummer.livejournal.com
Omg dies. Thats what he gets for casting a spell like that. Lol loved this little bit of sillyness.

Date: 2010-07-04 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
Gah, everyone thinks Andrew is being punished, but I think after he gets over the shock and physical strain, he'll realize he's the beloved consort of a God King, making him nigh untouchable, and he'll be happy with that.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this.

~Alice~

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